I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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