You made me cry and you don't even care
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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