Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
