Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
