Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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