hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
her vagine was all disorganized.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
