She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
