based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
