Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
