you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
