So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
