I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
