Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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