so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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