Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
