I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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