I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
