i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
