i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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