Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
