At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
