I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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