i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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