so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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