Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
