My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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