I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
