I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
not ubering you a puppy
Randomize
