The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
