is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
