is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
