Apparently you make a good broom.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
we're making bets on your personal life
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
