if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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