The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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