I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
