As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
