Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
