So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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