3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
