At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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