You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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