I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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