i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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