I just threw up on my dentist
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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