Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
