they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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