then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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