I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
