Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
