I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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