i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
